Kriemhild looks good in the mirror, but shit on paper

I am known to be slightly blunt, sometimes I speak the truth and sometimes I exclaim radical statements to get a reaction; not attention, just a reaction. However, there is something I've been thinking about that even I've been afraid to admit to. I've gained the courage to even put it in a blog because I told my friend about my thoughts and she agreed. We spent 20 minutes of our lives, and probably hours dwellling on it to ourselves. We hate it when ugly people are happy.There I said it. A identical looking couple, with the same droopy breasts, the same beerbelly, clearly customers at the same optician, and where he lacks hair to identify his manhood, she has it in abundance to confuse us of her gender. Yet, they sit in the airport lounge, holding hands, and although the rest of us are sure that ugly people never get laid, they are more than often accompanied by mini-me's.

My criticism isn't so much towards ugly people who are happy, but rather of the greatness of a fraud vanity is. Why does it not serve a greater purpose? Were we even ever promised that an extra hour of make-up-applying time, and the latest black lace dress in a size 8, and a recent haircut was the easy way to happiness in love? Or is that just an assumption I made myself?
Of course, there are different degrees of happiness. All these happy in love people, must be incredibly dissatisfied in their appearances, and perhaps on a rainy day it gets them down. But, even on a sunny day, my friends and I may stand in our fashionable attires, with perfect hairs, and perfect figures, but we stand alone. If we ever do stand next to someone, it's often a douche who may be as goodlooking, but who lacks points in intellect.

We all want to look good, but maybe, good doesn't always mean looking to fit the part of "fit", but to just look happy.No matter how understanding I become, and how badly I wish to end this by stating that beauty lies in the eye of the beholder, I can't help to dedicate one silent minute to the thought "Seriously? How do they do it?!" It's not to steal their tricks or secrets, but it's to stop myself from stomping my feet like a spoilt child insisting "It's not fair!!". Not only because the only correlation I ever learnt to draw was between beauty and the number of years you'll live longer than the butterx one's but because we try. I wonder if they do too. Do they make the effort and fail? Or are they so much wiser than I am and read the correlation chart to be between confidance and happiness, or better yet, a good heart and happiness? It may be that no one told me that appearance is the way to happiness, but then again I'm sure no one tells those suckers that those trousers give her a cameltoe and that shoes with no socks is a big no no for any man. Turns out my great finale won't be that beauty lies in the eye of the beholder, but that ignorance is bliss. I'll be as clueless as the happy couple, and maybe I'll even be as happy.

Kriemhild has a job, it's unpaid, but it's a job god damn it!

Little miss Film has gotten one step closer to the chaos of filmfestvals, and the sellout of awards. She's gotten herself quie a sweet deal, so sweet she must speak of herself in third person.

I'll stop....I've managed to get myself a sweet place in the Brilliant White Lion in Streatham hill. The gig? I decide...And what I've decided is to have a theme every Sunday. A theme. A short film inroducing it, and a screeening of a feature film all as an hommage to the theme but also inspired by it.

If you're a young filmmaker, maybe a member in a incmpetent film society and you wish to be seen by real people and not only lonely students, then you have the chance to view your piece of work. Only, pre requisite is that you can justify a connection between the film ad the theme of the week. The themes, dates and feature films are :

Sun 3rd April – Teenage Delinquicy, “Rebel without a cause”
Sun 10th April – London – “The Prestige”
Sun 17th April – Rome – “Fellinis Roma”
Sun 24th April – Berlin – “Run Lola Run”
Sun 1st May – Moscow – ”Moscow has no tears”
Sun 8th May – Fear – “Vertigo”

I'll keep you posted on the event, but if you wish to sumbit a whort film you can contact me here or on Kriemhild@hotmail.co.uk.

For all you artists, I hope to hear from you soon, and everyone else, I will see you on every sunday at the White Lion!

Kriemhild saw Black Swan and wondered why “Wild Things ” never was up for an Oscar

Although I’d like to pretend that I, in fact am an expert when it comes to films and that my opinion shall, by all my readers (all four of them) be regarded as the most truthful and correct one. I am sad to say that I do not belong to the critics which seem to want to build a shrine, not only around Darren afrenowshy but also around Natalie Portmans unborn child due to the brilliance of the film. I belong to the mere mortals who while watching this movie got flashbacks to “Wild Things”, “Jawbreaker” and any other high school thriller with strong lesbian tension, and thought to themselves: They should have been topless during the sexscene, that would have brought it up a notch. It is true that every review I have read has been raving about this masterpiece while every person I have met, called it average. As I walked out of the theatre I turned to my friend and said”Maybe we’re just not intellectual enough?” It does not take an intellectual person to understand a movie about ballet, as it does not take a psychiatrics to know that Natalie Portman’s character Nina, needs to see a shrink ASAP.

The black Swan is about the ambitious, uptight Nina who as her mother says: Is the most dedicated dancer in the company. Nina’s world slowly starts to crumble as the “new from out of town”- dancer played by Mila Kunis, threatens her performance in the company’s production of the swan lake. Vincent Cassell plays the greedy director who will not be satisfied until Nina not only plays the character of the Swan Queen, but until she herself has metamorphosed into a darker creature.


For those who have seen Aranofskys previous movie: The Wrestler, the similarities are impossible to miss. Both Nina in the Black Swan and Mickey Rourkes character Randy in the Wrestler are suffering artists who wish nothing but to perfect their profession. They are both willing to sacrifice their lives, and that which is stable in it, such as family (nina’s mother and in Randy’s case, the estranged daughter) for the appreciation of others. As the wrestler was desperate for the crowd’s cheers, so is Nina for both Thomas’ nod of approval and for Sarah to be envious of her talent.

Natalie Portman’s performance is a one of a kind, I believe the last time I saw such a performance was in “A streetcar named desire” as Vivienne Leigh played Blanche DuBois. She completely and utterly emerged herself in the fragile and confidently insecure Nina, who painfully sheds her skin and emerges as a black swan. If, any award nomination had gone solely to Portman I would have been in nothing but complete agreement. However, to see the Black Swan make one of the 10 films in the best film category, or to believe that Aronofsky would deserve a best director nomination when Chris Nolan was snubbed of one, for his back of head shots and ability to shoot a mirror reflection without having a camera in the shot is something which almost aggravates me. There is a reason to why this movie was not nominated for best script despite all the raving reviews. Portman did a tremendous job bringing the film up to a different and more distinguished level with her performance, where she’s had us convinced that this is a film worth watching and worth remembering, unfortunately convincing me that it is a good film and that it deserved more than nomination for best actress is simply a task one woman cannot succeed on her own.

Kriemhild is a Badass

I have a dear friend, who I sometimes am convinced is my soul mate This soul mate of mine is having some problems with her man of one year. I’ve known my friend for three years and we’ve been good friends for the past two. We bonded over our love for Winona Ryder, cigarettes, our search for numbness and the misconception that we knew something the others didn’t. Yes it might seem like we were some pretentious teenies, but we called it being badass. Now many things have changed in one year, I’ve become a mother and my dear friend; a girlfriend. And whenever I get tired of nappy changes and my brains fumes while reading out loud from “Penny and Pal ” or when my friend’s boyfriend just can’t understand how lucky he is to be with her we meet on Skype. She chain smokes Marlboro Lights, while I hold a Pall Mall between my fingers, savouring the harshness that represents my reality. That’s when our past haunts us, we decide to be badass. Sometimes I get ahead of myself in excitement, I light another one while I type “thigh high leather boots” and “crotch less panties” into Google, but other times, I smile and try to not give away my abandonment of the cause in my reply to my badass-friend. Cause after all what does it even mean? Even as a single unemployed mother I notice women’s desperation to be badass on a daily basis. Although I used to fool myself by thinking I had coined the term (one of my favourite things to say to people when upset was; “I’m badass I will punch you in the face!”) I realise it sometimes is concealed behind words such as “independent”, “carefree” and even in being a “go getter”. Women strive for these things because we think men possess them, we think that these things would lead to lack of emotions, which leads to not letting anything get in your way and eventually gets you to where you want to be. Successful. In possession of everything you want. Our badassness I’m afraid to say would lead to people getting hurt. We wanted to not care, to be able to hurt, not just without getting hurt ourselves but without caring that someone had been, most importantly, we wanted to be someone else. Now all I want, is for someone to care, someone not to hurt me and for me to be myself. Over one of those infamous skypedates, sans cigarettes my friend and I spoke of the movies we couldn’t watch anymore, We both preferred comedies, she because she felt she’d break any second and didn’t need the final push, and I, because after having a child I’ve stopped believing in misery; real or fictional. She finally raised the question I Haven’t been able to define; what the fuck happened to us?
We still plan suicides in our heads, we still smoke anything we can get hold off and we still thrive on people’s most pathetic statuses on Facebook but at least we do it as ourselves. We don’t strive to be badasses with both our hearts and ourselves dressed in black, we strive to be ourselves and luckily enough that self is a true badass.

Kriemhild is a classy lady

...and now I'm turning into poledancing. Not because I am trying to seduce anyone or because I need a extrajob to pay off my collegetuition. Believe it or not, but I'm doing it for the excersise...and the fact that everytime I am faced with a pole in a club I turn to walking in circles around it, now I can do flips and tricks on it instead. I've been searching the web a bit, and this is what I found: A nice little place called London Academy of Poledancing. If anyone understands what the membership is about, share! And then let's sign up together!

Kriemhild is counting calories

I've discovered this new site called Calorie Count. I love this site, it helps you keep track of the caloires you consume and the calories you burn. There are many tools, and all of them for free. Everything from advices and tips, fitness blogs, forums, communities, support, analysis, and excerise tips. I keep a foodlog and an acitivitylog, downside is that according to this bad boy I should be losing 4 kilos a week...but somehow my weight log chart is pointing upwards. One of us is lying, that's for sure.

Kriemhild finds Domestic Violence entertaining